A Disappearance Act

I dont know why but I tend to do this all the time. I just tend to disappear to people and when they see me they tell me that they haven't seen me in ages. Most of the time I spend a lot of time with these people and one reason or another I suddenly will stop being there with them.

I am just that kind of person. I am very straightforward when it comes to stating my opinion. But in return I would like others to do the same. I just hate to see people who lie, cheat and back stab right in front of my eyes. I do have to admit that from time to time i do my fair share of those things and I'm not proud of it. Okay I sound like I'm contradicting a bit so I'll alter it some what. You can do all that crap to/about me but just never let me find out. Let me warn you though, I know it when you're lying.

Moving on, when you see me around and I look like I'm not in the mood, please just don't piss me off. I'm really not in the mood to entertain anything silly that anyone does. So please, that is all I'm asking for. I'm just not myself at the moment and would hate to cause a scene as I now I will.

When we first meet we were just strangers;When we break up we become strangers, again.

IM BACK!!

I know its been a while but i'm finally back on my blog. Its been a good year or so since the last post so obviously a lot has changed since then. However, overall I would say i'm still stuck at square one. Anyways, back too why i'm starting too write again. There has always been a burden too keep how I feel inside me. I do for most of the time keep it in for as long as I can but as of right now I feel its best for me too let it all out in a space I know will be there when needed.

Its not something I tell anyone but here goes nothing. I'm in love. There is no doubt about it. The problem is however I can't show it too you unless I can get just a few moments alone with you. Its just something I needed too get of my chest. She is not the same person as I've mentioned before. She is the only person which I can say was love at first sight. On that day I knew who she was but that was the first time I saw her in person. I knew at that point that we will cross paths one way or another and I'm glad that I became a reality.

But I can't wait forever for the opportunity to come. I'm at a crossroads right now. To pursue someone or to pursue something? Both would be nice but I have to pick one. By the way, the something is to open a restaurant by the end of the year. At only 20 I find that its no excuse to do nothing in life. I have to find a way to make an impact before I die and this is a good place to start.

The last few weeks have been like an emotional roller coaster and I hope things get better as exams draw near. It doesn't have to be great but I just hope it won't be bad. My bros have been helping me get through all this. Even though I did not mention anything to them but its just their company which I need to get my minds of things. Well this is a start. Have to make blogging a routine again.

All this pain will go away if I have you

Its been all down hill since i met u

haihh.. wat do u do when u have hit rock bottom?? my solution was nothing.. i have nt done anithin productive since that 1 fine day.. its like everything slowly started 2 fall apart while i was buzy running after u.. i noe that if i reach the finish line i will b ok bt wat if i never reach that far???

things have changed these past few years.. all hopes n dreams have vanished.. all targets n goals have been shoved in a locked drawer wif no key.. my dream of LSE faded after last year.. my hope of passing CAT let alone ACCA has just dissapear into thin air.. now im stuck wif nothing.. my future is becoming more uncertain.. a fallback plan has yet been given consideration n i dont think i can pass even T7..

i have started back old habits.. unhealthy habits that i noe will clowly make it worse.. even new habits start 2 pollute my mind which was once calm n collected.. i cant last a day without a stick n i get cranky if i take the pills.. i would never have imagined being like this.. all of this has 2 end soon..

class has lately been optional.. even exams have fealt like a waste of time.. college is just a place 2 run away from ppl at home hu think im doing well till my genuis siblings start telling them bout wats goin on in my college.. just but out n myob..

goin out 4 midnite movies n having a drink till 4 in the morning seems like a daily routine.. n subsequently waking up at 12pm for an 8am class.. fb is just wasting my time the ps3 is just taking away my sleep n watching old movies via astro max where i practically memorize the script is getting old..

oh yeah.. i barely have money 2 do things i enjoy anymore.. wat a waste doing all this.. n all this started bcos i wont let go.. i wish i could bt i cant.. i need u.. now more than ever.. if nt 1 day there will b no 2moro......

Home Sweet Home

its a few hours away.. the end of the month of ramadhan.. the end of fasting n the start of the eid festival.. being back in kuching 2 celebrate it wif my family never gets old.. i c ppl nt anticipating this time of year as much as they use 2 bt 4 me this will always b my favorite time of year..

yes there is the 1 week away from my daily life back in the hectic city of kl.. away from all the tax n audit classes.. n just life as it is.. back in kuching life is so different in many ways.. how the ppl here would love 2 live in kl wif everything a fingertip away as in kuching there is nt much u can get or do.. it is still relatively undeveloped n 2 me i prefer it 2 stay that way..

since my aunt is back from her 3 years in the uk.. raya feels so different than the last few years.. as all of us r spending most of the time in the same hse.. thats 4 families with 3 or more kids each.. so yea in tends 2 get kinda crowded bt hey im nt complaining.. i like is this way.. that is wat raya should b about.. reuniting wif ur loved ones after a long n though year earning paychecks.. its nice 2 c every1 2gether again =)

since its the last day b4 raya it was such a hectic day.. im literally exhausted.. i woke up 2 early 4 my liking at around 7 in the morning with nearly every1 awake except my 2 siblings hu do nth each n every year.. they dont have the raya spirit -.-' .. everybody else is running around the hse getting ready 4 the big day 2moro.. my aunts r busy cutting cakes, re-arranging the furniture n just cleaning up the place while my uncle is everywhere being the handyman n fixing everything that needs fixing.. i just try 2 help out where ever i can =)

so this is it 4 now.. its gonna b a long week ahead.. 2moro is a big day so bye 4 now

Part 2

theres 1 more thing i wanna blog about.. i may nvr have the mood 2 do this again so just bare wif me.. as u all noe ppl change as the grow older.. sum 4 the better sum 4 the worse.. i dont think i noe a person hu is still the same as they were 2-3 years ago.. how fast things changed..

when i was younger i was arrogant.. seriously.. i would alwayz tell every1 that im the best as i tot in my mind that i was.. i didnt handle losing 2 well.. n tried hard 2 fit in wif eveybody.. i wouldnt say i was a misfit bt rather wanted 2 b frenz wif every1 outside my circle of frenz.. i dont think many ppl remember me being like that as i met u all quite recently..

anywayz.. im still partly the same bt different in a way.. mayb as u grow older ur more mature n all the things u did in the past all seem so foolish.. i would laugh just thinking bout sum of the things i did..

well there is actually 1 more thing i need 2 let out bt that will b another day..

Things Happen 4 a Reason

it was midnite.. me n azman was sitting at anggerik usj 2 after watching district 9(which was wicked btw).. finishing up a box of cigs n just having a plain convo.. we came up 2 the topic of how we 1st met.. after sum time we realised there was a series of coincidences that led 2 him being my best man..

i was just bak after 2 n 1/2 years living in saudi arabia.. the timing wasnt great as i resumed schooling towards the end of primary 5.. wif UPSR looming the following year i agreed 2 join a tuition centre wif my couz.. we were just mere classmates n the centre closed at the end of the year.. we didnt meet at all 4 more than a year n fb didnt exist at the time (just had 2 put that in =).. in form 1 my dad enrolled me in a local football league.. during the selection we were standing in line next 2 each other n vaguely remembered 1 another.. ironically we ended being in the same team..

as the league drew towards an end.. his mom enrolled him at Kancil (tuition centre were i was at).. again we ended up being classmates.. by then we were tight.. hahahaa.. we would end up staying at the same centre till the end of form 5..

we then realise that our parents decision influenced whether or nt we would hav met in the 1st place.. how things would have changed if our parents decided nt 2 make the same decisions.. so by that time it was 1 am wif an empty box of cigs n the need 2 get home 4 i hav class n he has work the next morning.. we hav met frequently recently as i hav a car bt we would meet outside tuition mayb once every 3 months..

n we decided long ago that we will b each others best man at our weddings..

Sem 2 in Brief

its been a while since my last post.. haha.. havent been thinking bout blogging 4 a while.. anywayz as usual there has been many things that have changed..

it took me around 7 months 2 get my license bt it was worth the wait.. the process is so time consuming that i nvr actually wanted it till the end of the 1st sem.. bt since then my life has been a lot easier.. having had a car waiting on the sidelines i quickly took my chance n started 2 do things that i could nt without a driver :) life has been much better..

sem 2 has been so-n-so.. the timetable is ok as well.. though having classes till 6 does suck.. since i drive i think i've oni stayed till 6 less than 5 times.. seriously nt a fan of the traffic.. the new stuff we learn r fine n i enjoy some of the topics.. having skipped quite a few classes has left me behind sumwat bt i wont worry much bout that..

its this time of year again i guess.. i hav been feeling very insecure lately.. bout many things in life.. there is so many things i need 2 do 4 the better bt its hard 2 change being me.. being so undecisive on wat i want in life doesnt help much.. n endlessly slacking on things which r important..

results r out on monday so keeping my fingers crossed =D