My Dreams Out Loud

A Disappearance Act

2011-04-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

I dont know why but I tend to do this all the time. I just tend to disappear to people and when they see me they tell me that they haven't seen me in ages. Most of the time I spend a lot of time with these people and one reason or another I suddenly will stop being there with them.

I am just that kind of person. I am very straightforward when it comes to stating my opinion. But in return I would like others to do the same. I just hate to see people who lie, cheat and back stab right in front of my eyes. I do have to admit that from time to time i do my fair share of those things and I'm not proud of it. Okay I sound like I'm contradicting a bit so I'll alter it some what. You can do all that crap to/about me but just never let me find out. Let me warn you though, I know it when you're lying.

Moving on, when you see me around and I look like I'm not in the mood, please just don't piss me off. I'm really not in the mood to entertain anything silly that anyone does. So please, that is all I'm asking for. I'm just not myself at the moment and would hate to cause a scene as I now I will.

When we first meet we were just strangers;When we break up we become strangers, again.

IM BACK!!

2011-04-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

I know its been a while but i'm finally back on my blog. Its been a good year or so since the last post so obviously a lot has changed since then. However, overall I would say i'm still stuck at square one. Anyways, back too why i'm starting too write again. There has always been a burden too keep how I feel inside me. I do for most of the time keep it in for as long as I can but as of right now I feel its best for me too let it all out in a space I know will be there when needed.

Its not something I tell anyone but here goes nothing. I'm in love. There is no doubt about it. The problem is however I can't show it too you unless I can get just a few moments alone with you. Its just something I needed too get of my chest. She is not the same person as I've mentioned before. She is the only person which I can say was love at first sight. On that day I knew who she was but that was the first time I saw her in person. I knew at that point that we will cross paths one way or another and I'm glad that I became a reality.

But I can't wait forever for the opportunity to come. I'm at a crossroads right now. To pursue someone or to pursue something? Both would be nice but I have to pick one. By the way, the something is to open a restaurant by the end of the year. At only 20 I find that its no excuse to do nothing in life. I have to find a way to make an impact before I die and this is a good place to start.

The last few weeks have been like an emotional roller coaster and I hope things get better as exams draw near. It doesn't have to be great but I just hope it won't be bad. My bros have been helping me get through all this. Even though I did not mention anything to them but its just their company which I need to get my minds of things. Well this is a start. Have to make blogging a routine again.

All this pain will go away if I have you

Its been all down hill since i met u

2009-11-09T08:49:00.000-08:00

haihh.. wat do u do when u have hit rock bottom?? my solution was nothing.. i have nt done anithin productive since that 1 fine day.. its like everything slowly started 2 fall apart while i was buzy running after u.. i noe that if i reach the finish line i will b ok bt wat if i never reach that far???

things have changed these past few years.. all hopes n dreams have vanished.. all targets n goals have been shoved in a locked drawer wif no key.. my dream of LSE faded after last year.. my hope of passing CAT let alone ACCA has just dissapear into thin air.. now im stuck wif nothing.. my future is becoming more uncertain.. a fallback plan has yet been given consideration n i dont think i can pass even T7..

i have started back old habits.. unhealthy habits that i noe will clowly make it worse.. even new habits start 2 pollute my mind which was once calm n collected.. i cant last a day without a stick n i get cranky if i take the pills.. i would never have imagined being like this.. all of this has 2 end soon..

class has lately been optional.. even exams have fealt like a waste of time.. college is just a place 2 run away from ppl at home hu think im doing well till my genuis siblings start telling them bout wats goin on in my college.. just but out n myob..

goin out 4 midnite movies n having a drink till 4 in the morning seems like a daily routine.. n subsequently waking up at 12pm for an 8am class.. fb is just wasting my time the ps3 is just taking away my sleep n watching old movies via astro max where i practically memorize the script is getting old..

oh yeah.. i barely have money 2 do things i enjoy anymore.. wat a waste doing all this.. n all this started bcos i wont let go.. i wish i could bt i cant.. i need u.. now more than ever.. if nt 1 day there will b no 2moro......

Home Sweet Home

2009-09-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

its a few hours away.. the end of the month of ramadhan.. the end of fasting n the start of the eid festival.. being back in kuching 2 celebrate it wif my family never gets old.. i c ppl nt anticipating this time of year as much as they use 2 bt 4 me this will always b my favorite time of year..

yes there is the 1 week away from my daily life back in the hectic city of kl.. away from all the tax n audit classes.. n just life as it is.. back in kuching life is so different in many ways.. how the ppl here would love 2 live in kl wif everything a fingertip away as in kuching there is nt much u can get or do.. it is still relatively undeveloped n 2 me i prefer it 2 stay that way..

since my aunt is back from her 3 years in the uk.. raya feels so different than the last few years.. as all of us r spending most of the time in the same hse.. thats 4 families with 3 or more kids each.. so yea in tends 2 get kinda crowded bt hey im nt complaining.. i like is this way.. that is wat raya should b about.. reuniting wif ur loved ones after a long n though year earning paychecks.. its nice 2 c every1 2gether again =)

since its the last day b4 raya it was such a hectic day.. im literally exhausted.. i woke up 2 early 4 my liking at around 7 in the morning with nearly every1 awake except my 2 siblings hu do nth each n every year.. they dont have the raya spirit -.-' .. everybody else is running around the hse getting ready 4 the big day 2moro.. my aunts r busy cutting cakes, re-arranging the furniture n just cleaning up the place while my uncle is everywhere being the handyman n fixing everything that needs fixing.. i just try 2 help out where ever i can =)

so this is it 4 now.. its gonna b a long week ahead.. 2moro is a big day so bye 4 now

Part 2

2009-08-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

theres 1 more thing i wanna blog about.. i may nvr have the mood 2 do this again so just bare wif me.. as u all noe ppl change as the grow older.. sum 4 the better sum 4 the worse.. i dont think i noe a person hu is still the same as they were 2-3 years ago.. how fast things changed..

when i was younger i was arrogant.. seriously.. i would alwayz tell every1 that im the best as i tot in my mind that i was.. i didnt handle losing 2 well.. n tried hard 2 fit in wif eveybody.. i wouldnt say i was a misfit bt rather wanted 2 b frenz wif every1 outside my circle of frenz.. i dont think many ppl remember me being like that as i met u all quite recently..

anywayz.. im still partly the same bt different in a way.. mayb as u grow older ur more mature n all the things u did in the past all seem so foolish.. i would laugh just thinking bout sum of the things i did..

well there is actually 1 more thing i need 2 let out bt that will b another day..

Things Happen 4 a Reason

2009-08-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

it was midnite.. me n azman was sitting at anggerik usj 2 after watching district 9(which was wicked btw).. finishing up a box of cigs n just having a plain convo.. we came up 2 the topic of how we 1st met.. after sum time we realised there was a series of coincidences that led 2 him being my best man..

i was just bak after 2 n 1/2 years living in saudi arabia.. the timing wasnt great as i resumed schooling towards the end of primary 5.. wif UPSR looming the following year i agreed 2 join a tuition centre wif my couz.. we were just mere classmates n the centre closed at the end of the year.. we didnt meet at all 4 more than a year n fb didnt exist at the time (just had 2 put that in =).. in form 1 my dad enrolled me in a local football league.. during the selection we were standing in line next 2 each other n vaguely remembered 1 another.. ironically we ended being in the same team..

as the league drew towards an end.. his mom enrolled him at Kancil (tuition centre were i was at).. again we ended up being classmates.. by then we were tight.. hahahaa.. we would end up staying at the same centre till the end of form 5..

we then realise that our parents decision influenced whether or nt we would hav met in the 1st place.. how things would have changed if our parents decided nt 2 make the same decisions.. so by that time it was 1 am wif an empty box of cigs n the need 2 get home 4 i hav class n he has work the next morning.. we hav met frequently recently as i hav a car bt we would meet outside tuition mayb once every 3 months..

n we decided long ago that we will b each others best man at our weddings..

Sem 2 in Brief

2009-08-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

its been a while since my last post.. haha.. havent been thinking bout blogging 4 a while.. anywayz as usual there has been many things that have changed..

it took me around 7 months 2 get my license bt it was worth the wait.. the process is so time consuming that i nvr actually wanted it till the end of the 1st sem.. bt since then my life has been a lot easier.. having had a car waiting on the sidelines i quickly took my chance n started 2 do things that i could nt without a driver :) life has been much better..

sem 2 has been so-n-so.. the timetable is ok as well.. though having classes till 6 does suck.. since i drive i think i've oni stayed till 6 less than 5 times.. seriously nt a fan of the traffic.. the new stuff we learn r fine n i enjoy some of the topics.. having skipped quite a few classes has left me behind sumwat bt i wont worry much bout that..

its this time of year again i guess.. i hav been feeling very insecure lately.. bout many things in life.. there is so many things i need 2 do 4 the better bt its hard 2 change being me.. being so undecisive on wat i want in life doesnt help much.. n endlessly slacking on things which r important..

results r out on monday so keeping my fingers crossed =D

A Recap of the Holzzz..

2009-06-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

its been nearly 2 weeks since the start of the holidayz n its been ok lah.. sleeping at 4 n waking up at 2 has been a daily routine 4 me.. i've manage 2 catch up on a few shows n movies i missed while being in college since i hav so much free time.. i did manage 2 go out once or twice 2 shop n get some fresh air..

the main goal this holidayz was 2 finally get my driving license.. my test is set on the 25th of june so im just waiting 4 that day.. plus 25th is draft nite so i really cant wait..

well since that leaves me only a week left b4 the start of college the chances of me goin bak 2 sarawak is zero... owh well i will just go bak another time =D

the other day i was pondering bout my primary dayz in miri.. i went 2 an islamic skool 4 oni 2 years b4 heading 4 saudi.. since i left i hav been bak once n i hav practically lost contact wif every1.. so in other words theres no point looking 4 them as i cant even remember most of their names.. anywayz.. while i was at metro doin my required hours i decided 2 open fb while waiting 4 my sis.. so there was a fren request n a message.. in the message she states that she was looking 4 a guy wif my name hu used 2 b in the same skool during std 1 n 2.. she also states that that guy left 4 saudi.. well since i fit the bill i replyed that im the person that she was lookinf 4.. i still had no clue hu she was bt was kinda impressed she could find me after all these years.. (fb rocks btw).. when she mentioned her full name i instantly remembered hu she was n nearly every1 else in my class.. its way freaky.. seriously.. she was the girl hu sat next 2 me in class n i vaguely can picture how evry1 looked like bak then.. wow rite.. there was like a sense of nostalgia while the sun was setting me sitting at the porch at metro staring at red kancils doin there rounds while replying messages on fb.. mayb it was all bcos i attracted it (loa ppl).. that seriously made my holiday..

im so pissed at u ppl.. seriously!!

Holidayz...

2009-06-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

as usual the holidayz r boring n so theres nth thats blog worthy lately..

Its 2 hard 2 let go

2009-05-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

i have a problem wif letting go.. im alwayz happy wif wat i hav n im content if things will 4eva stay the same.. mayb im just at a happy point in my life n i just dont wanna move on.. this past 6 months hav been awesome.. i wish it will stay the same..

bt then, its the end of a sem.. things will definately change.. wif new classmates n new timetables.. new lecturers n new subjects.. my team is nt 1 anymore.. sum hav moved on as they think they're 2 gud 4 us.. we all made a promise that the team was more important than anithin else.. n u guyz act like its just nothin.. bullshit man!! n i just cant let sum1 go.. even though i've said it so often that im over her bt im nt.. even though wat u've done really ruined a part of me.. n u noe i 4gave u 4 that n i can nvr say no 2 u.. mayb im a fool bt there r just things that i want 4 it 2 stay the same.. owh well.. 4 now i hav 2 make sure i get through the last hurdle n prepare 4 the next step..

' Sumtimes the person u love most is the hardest person 4 u 2 show ur love'

Neglecting

2009-05-23T10:33:00.001-07:00

as u may notice i havent updating my dear blog 4 quite some time.. well its just that there isnt much 2 blog about.. just been bumming around the hse as i seldom go 4 classes n now is study break.. so in other work i havent done productive work 4 over a month..

well 2 all my group 2 frenz its the end of the beginning.. i still cant believe its been around 6 months since we all 1st met.. wow!! 2 c how much we noe each other n all the stuff that has happened has made me wonder that mayb destiny brought all of us 2 end up taking CAT n enroll in the same class.. n i have imagined many times if i had decided 2 do a-levels in taylors would things b the same wif ppl over there.. bt rite now 2 me i hav made the right choice n i wont change my mind bout that :D wow!! again..

enough wif the sappy-ness.. last nite was the 1st time i met up wif azman 4 a few months.. strangely were like the best of frenz bt we only meet a handful times a year.. mayb being far away from each other makes everytime we meet more interesting since we hav more 2 tok bout.. anywayz as usual we went 4 steaks at san francisco steakhse.. n were there 4 a few hrs just having a smoke n cheesecake :) since we left aroung 10.30 we felt it was kinda early 2 call it a nite.. so i randomly suggested we go 2 azim's hse 4 some foosball, pool n ps3 sessions.. so gave him a call n he said ok so we were off 2 ara damansara.. we were there till 1.30 as we called it a nite as azman has work the next day..

"we never noe wat the future holds, so sit back, relax n just watch as it unfolds"..
CHAIO ppl!!

Harimau Muda Vs. Sarawak

2009-05-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

this was a last minute plan.. my dad saw it on the paper n so we decided 2 go as usual.. so since it was at bukit jalil we left home quite late n just made the match in time.. surprisingly it was free!! usually it would cost rm10 bt since harimau muda is under FAM they dont charge ppl 2 watch the match.. as im from sarawak i went there 2 support them.. bt there is a lot of problems wif the team n we r currently 2nd from bottom in the league.. its sad 2 c that the sarawak players hu hav nt been paid 2 months salary play as the looked so demotivated.. they were against a team hu r 2nd in the league hu r paid by the FAM n r the national U-19 team.. the end result was......

as expected we lost 3-0.. the goals were scored in the 1st half n is was kinda a dull game at times.. well here r some other pics i took..

well thats all bout the match.. btw there was a funfair outside n i saw sum ppl leave early 2 go 2 it.. it was at the car park

that is all.. CHIAO!!

An Uncontrollable Addiction

2009-05-06T00:17:00.000-07:00

there is nt much 2 blog about so well this is all i can think off.. since im on an unexpected holiday i hav the time 2 take pics of them.. this addiction im toking bout is the buying off football boots :D.. in total i hav spent more than RM10k or so on it.. yes i could hav done so many other things that many ppl hav suggested bt i just like 2 collect it.. in total i hav about 15.. ranging from rm160-760.. i bought my 1st 1 in form 3 n since then nearly every other month i will hav 1..

Firstly was, my fav of all bt now its irrepairable.. haihh.. my f50+

well this is the rest that i hav..

ok.. i hav oni 12 wif me rite now.. the rest r wif azri n a few others.. about 6 more is nt wif me including all my tiempo's :( all 3 r nt wif me..

anywayz.. here r sum more pics.. the total 90 series:

the predators:

the f50's:

the lone adipure:

the majestic mercurial vapors:

lastly, the neglected puma speed boot:

thats all 4 now.. hope u enjoy the pics.. :D

Sleep Over at Sunway Tower Hotel

2009-05-02T09:06:00.001-07:00

yes its true i actually sleept over at a hotel.. hahaha.. its nice 2 b out of the hse 4 a change even though its just 4 1 nite.. yes it does sound odd since my hse is just a few mins drive away bt my mom is here 4 a corporate dinner n wanted us 2 stay at the hotel wif her.. so there i was using the internet from the room which cost rm52 4 24hrs.. so hope that i used it enough..

this sleeping over actually helped since i had 2 meet up wif ben n san san at pyramid in the morn.. i got up at 9ish n got ready 4 the long day ahead.. had breakfast at the hotel b4 meeting san san at starbucks.. ben joined us after a while.. we waited 4 quite a while b4 wong n lim came.. there was some prob wif a frenz car so i didnt mind that at all..

i went in wong's car 2 mid valley.. since it was past 12 n all the roads were jammed especially at mid valley.. we were goin in circles 4 nearly 30 mins n we gave up n headed 4 old klang road.. we just sat n waited at the bus stop in front of shell till wong got bored n decided 2 give it another shot.. this time we found a parking n headed 4 the food garden 2 meet up wif the rest..

this is the 1st time i met sum of them so it was kinda ackward 4 a while.. when they all finished eating we headed 4 care4 2 shop 4 supplies 4 the bbq dinner.. at that time it was kinda fun shopping wif ur classmates.. there were a lot of funny things that happened that made such a dull thing fun..

n finally.. we headed 4 alveena's hse n had a gud time poker-ing, pool-ing n bbq-ing.. i left kinda early wif the rest of my class n wong dropped me off at gardens 2 meet up wif my family.. so that day ended off feeling so damn tired..

now 2 2day.. i ended waking at 2.. went 4 training.. went 2 aunt rok's hse warming n watched sum footy.. still kinda tired bt just cant sleep..
CHAO PPL!!

A Fool 4 Sports

2009-04-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

recently i made a quiz on fb bout how well ppl noe me n i found out that nt many neu that i watch many varieties of sports which r shown at awkward times here so i hav 2 wait till the wee hours of mourning 2 view them..

Firstly, Football

well this is an obvious 1 as u can c that football is sumthin im really passionate about.. i hav always enjoyed watching football.. whether watching the epl on the tele or goin out 2 stadiums 2 watch some local games ( yes i do watch as much as i can ).. i just get entertained by football n i enjoy following my fav teams 2 c their progress.. as much as i enjoy watching them, nth beats playing it urself.. i dont care whether its just a kick about or a real game just being on the field makes me happy.. it is just sumthin which i will alwayz enjoy n hope 2 pass on 2 my children..

Secondly, Baseball

4 ur information they do actually show baseball games in malaysia.. its on espn in the early mornings on weekends.. i do try my best 2 keep up 2 date wif all that is happening bt since they play everyday ( seriously ) i can only keep up wif 1 team at a time.. there r 2 leagues so i follow 1 from each.. in the american league the New York Yankees n in the national league the Chicago Cubs.. when i was living in saudi i did join little league baseball so thats where it all started.. that wasw the only thing on during spring so i tot wth.. u can ask me anithin bout baseball n may b able 2 answer them..

Thirdly, Basketball

yes i noe there r quite a few ppl hu do the same bt i just find it so interesting.. a fast paced sport that is end 2 end which is rare in american sports.. i follow the detroit pistons as they also play every other day.. so i just look 4 their results n all.. they r now at the playoffs stage of the season now bt sadly the pistons r out.. better luck next year =D

well the rest r sports where i seldom follow.. rugby ( love the springboks ), cricket n i use 2 follow ice hockey 4 a while ( go NJ Devils!! )..

i always wanted 2 get a job which is sumhow related 2 sports bt i ended up taking accountancy.. haihh.. bt hey there is still time n things can change.. i will just go where the road takes me..

C YA!!

The Start of a New Chapter

2009-04-28T11:14:00.001-07:00

I have shifted my blog 2 blogspot as i felt that my old blog was outdated n i lost all motivation 2 continue 2 blog there.. i really like the title of my blog.. i got it from the one republic album 'Dreaming Out Loud'

this is by far my fav album which i would u recommend 2 every1.. n its title says it all.. its all about sharing n expressing ur dreams wif others.. 2 look 4ward 2 the future n fulfill as much as u can..

i'm currently having a short hol period so im quite relaxed.. its a little over a month left b4 finals n it will b a long road 2 the end.. well that is all 4 now..
C YA!!